Teenager with a Blog. Beware.

Josiah Adam's blog has moved to a new home at the Burningbird Network Co-op. Please change your bookmark to


Sorry about the chaos here, I've been switching sites and it's been somewhat hectic. I am now moved in at and as such I won't be posting here any more. Please update your links and such, and I look forward to your feedback on the new and improved SiBlog.
posted by Josiah  # 6/27/2003 10:56:00 PM


He wanders through the crowded suburban streets, shoulders hunched and head bowed. He doesn't know where he's going, or why, all that's left are vague and hazy thoughts and images to remind him. There was a person, cant make out the name or face or even gender, only an accompanying feeling of disgust and nausea deep inside. He fights through the waves of queasiness to try and focus, and the image wavers a little, and-- *thwack* His shoulder is jolted as he walks into a large man with a thick neck and thicker forearms. "Hey! what's your problem, man?" He looks the hulk up and down, waves a shaky hand in apology and starts to walk off, before noticing that his antagonist is standing still, staring at his upraised hand. People walking by were starting to stare, too. He glances at it, and is mildly surprised to see that it's dripping with streaks of blood. Looking closer, there aren't any open wounds. Curiously, he lifts his hand to his mouth and tastes it. Crystal clear pictures start shooting through his head: a boiler room, sparse and empty; a clump of brown hair held in his hand; a jagged-edged knife; and the person, gradually swimming into focus. It's a man, probably in his early twenties, with an unkempt mop of brown hair and a large gaping wound across his abdomen. Shaking his head in an attempt to connect back with reality, he falls to his knees. Something bulges in his pocket. Shaking, he reaches in and pulls out the knife, dyed a deep red. His eyes roll back into his head, and he collapses onto the cold sidewalk, the bloodstained knife clattering beside him. Tunes: "Find The River", R.E.M.; "Magic Carpet Ride", Steppenwolf; "Kind And Generous", Natalie Merchant.
posted by Josiah  # 6/21/2003 12:53:00 PM


Yesterday over dinner, Dad pointed out how my posts tend to bounce somewhat regularly between two extremes: the "Life is wonderful, I've got great friends, saw a really good movie the other night" posts, and the "Life is so messed up, what's it all about, I feel so down" posts. I remembered that this morning as I did my morning blog check, and decided that this would be a "happy" day. I then promptly went to my annual physical, where I checked out fine, except that I was handed two sheets of paper and told to go across the street to the main hospital facility for a blood test. For those of you who may not know me as well, this was a very big problem. I really don't like needles. I would gladly gnaw a wound into my arm and squeeze out however much blood they need, or bang my nose until it oozes enough to fill their little vial, but get near me with a puncturing instrument (say, a knife or a NEEDLE) and I will shy away in terror. My decision to have a happy day seemed not to matter to the course of my life at all. Dad, who shares my attitude in these situations, wisely decided to get it over with as soon as possible. I was escorted to a chair that looked like it was built as a prop for Con Air, sat down, and as I tried to explain why I was starting to tremble, my quavering interjections were immediately brushed aside as my arm was rubbed down with alcohol. In a last-ditch attempt to black out any knowlegde of the inevitable, I slipped on my headphones, turned up the volume, and locked my eyes shut tight. I DID manage to walk home without fainting, although my hand twitched for several blocks. And as bizarre as the concept was, after some food and venting my tale of horror to some close friends, I realized that I wasn't feeling so bad. and by now, as I'm writing this, I'm feeling downright good (although driving and watching the Simpsons all afternoon probably had a deciding hand in that). So today is a "happy" posting day. We'll just take tomorrow as it comes. Tunes: "Zephyr Song", Red Hot Chili Peppers; "Doors Of Your Heart", The English Beat; "Tempted", Squeeze.
posted by Josiah  # 6/19/2003 05:15:00 PM


Can you hear the melody? It soars and dips, cascading across the air and through your head. Can you hear the harmony? Its quiet dissonance filling the void around you, the bittersweet chords building on each other and completing the sound. Can you hear the music? It surrounds you, instills you with its message of beauty and pain, washing over and through you. Can you hear it? Anyway, back in the real world, things have been pretty slow. Mark came over Friday night, and I got to liven up his social life a little. Saturday night I spent at Tim's house, watching disturbing movies (The Cell and American Psycho) and talking on the phone with Leah and Gabi. And yesterday and today have been pretty uneventful, apart from completing my final Driver's Ed run with the school. Oh, and I got tickets to go see Heather in MI next month, which will be quite fun. Tunes: "Scotty's Lament", The Connells; "What's The Dillio?", Mest; "Hymn", Moby.
posted by Josiah  # 6/16/2003 03:23:00 PM


No sleep, no relief, no patience with my life and the world that I'm stuck here on. A broken record keeps playing; great music, but after a certain point it keeps repeating and skipping until you get sick of it and turn it off. "I was sitting not two days ago feeling lonely cause I'm just feeling low" Liz Phair has it right, all right. No reasonable reason for anything, it just is. Burning photographs and stoking the flame, it's all the same. And again the record plays.
posted by Josiah  # 6/14/2003 03:28:00 AM


I realize that I haven't spent that much time on this earth, and there are probably people more qualified than me to make this sort of statement, but here goes: Life is wierd. Over the last couple of days I've gone through richer and poorer, better and worse, in sickness and in health, and not until death have I parted yet thank goodness. I dunno, whatever gets you through the night, or floats your boat, or whatever expression or reference you want to use. I'm toasted. Recently, I've started listening to 2 the Ranting Gryphon, a loud, very offensive, very opinionated guy who rambles on about whatever ticks him off. Even apart from the humor value, I find it heartening to find that there are other people who are frustrated at the massive amount of stupidity in the world. *Warning-- This link contains large amounts of profanity*
posted by Josiah  # 6/10/2003 11:18:00 PM


Late night, long day. Pent-up emotion and frustration. Want to cry but nothing comes. Sitting, playing cribbage and listening to slow romance songs. Only inflames the hurt. Hear David Gahan longing for love. Still not enough. Hear Roger and Mark argue, hear Mimi's husky voice call after Roger's departing back. There. Let the tears flow. Exquisite beautiful pain as the tears sting, creating salty rivers. Release. Curl up in a fetal position and let it all drift away. Tunes: "Somebody", Depeche Mode; "Goodbye Love", RENT.
posted by Josiah  # 6/07/2003 11:38:00 PM


I'm feeling pretty darn good right now. So good, it's defeating itself and making me worry about the pitfall around the next corner that will bring me down. It's like John D MacDonald writes: Cold beer, good music, and a place to go. Thats how They get you. That's the way They set you up for it. There ought to be a warning bell on the happymeter, so that every time it creeps high enough, you get that dang-dang alert. Duck, boy. That glow makes you too visible. One of Them is out there in the boonies, adjusting the windage, getting you lined up in the cross hairs of the scope. When it happens so often, don't you think I'd be more ready for it? John D Macdonald, "Pale Gray for Guilt" But what do you do when the alarm DOES go off? If you brood about it, you lose the happiness that got you there in the first place. There's no point in worrying about the day that's gonna rain if in doing so you don't get to enjoy the sunny days you're in. So as I stand on the edge of the cliff that is my future, I turn off my alarm, embrace my euphoria, unfasten my bungie cord of worry, and jump. Tunes: "Praise You", Fatboy Slim; "Drive", The Cars. "The Innocent", Goldfinger/Good Charlotte/Mest.
posted by Josiah  # 6/03/2003 01:38:00 AM


Today has been an interesting day, a sort of John Hughes-esqe gathering of friends, with much goofing off, letting childishness run free, and quality time with friends, tempered by the knowledge that soon some of these friends will be gone, an uncertainty about life and relationships, plus a fear of bee stings. "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up/These are the best days of our lives/The only thing that matters is just following your heart/And eventually you'll finally get it right" -The Ataris, "In This Diary" Tunes: "In This Diary", The Ataris; "American Girl", Tom Petty; "People Like Us", Talking Heads.
posted by Josiah  # 5/30/2003 06:19:00 PM


The man picked up box of strike-anywhere matches from a small table, opened it slowly, and took one out. It wasnt as if the cabin would be missed. Noone had lived there for years. Anyway, there had been a lot of rain recently, so the surrounding woods wouldn't be that far burnt before the fire department arrived. He struck the match, and tossed it onto a pile of evergreen branches he'd piled in the middle of the floor. They caught almost instantly, and he stared hungrily into the flame. The mesmerizing patterns kept his attention as the fire spread slowly across the floor. Smiling, he let the light and heat wash over him as he backed toward the door. Soon the curtains and walls caught fire, too, and as a picture frame fell, it landed with a clank, shattering his concentration. His eyes shot over to the noise, and felt a rush of mixed pleasure and horror as he saw the obvious mistake he'd overlooked. The cabin had a gas stove. Torn between the thrill of the imminent explosion and a primal need for self-preservation, instinct won and he burst out the door, running as fast as his legs could carry him, looking over his shoulder to watch- and tripped and fell right into a large rock. His arm made an audible snap as it broke, but he barely felt the pain. Not even bothering to try and get up, his eyes were still fixed on the burning house. Any second now... The small wooden cabin erupted in an enormous fireball, sending splinters and chunks of wood everywhere. He was found five hours later, dead and burnt beyond recognition. Unknown, unidentified, the media had had a field day. But the story dried up quickly, and soon the only memorial of the stranger was a scorched hole in the ground.
posted by Josiah  # 5/28/2003 05:32:00 PM


Wow. Really good weekend. Friday's dance went exceptionally well: lots of people, good music, people having fun. Then, yesterday was Armadillo day at NWU. ^_^ 'Dillo day, for those of you who don't live around here or ust aren't familiar with the tradition, is a sort of scheduled mass Spring party, the major events of which are the concerts. I dropped in and out, and got to see local band The Capacity, Steel Train, and Idlewild in the afternoon, all of which were great fun, especially The Capacity and Idlewild. Then, in the evening, I returned and saw Blackalicious and The Crystal Method. (Mental note: Never ever ever ever eat pizza before you go to a rave.) The TCM show was definitely the high point of the day; A very intense hour and a half of loud techno, light shows, glowsticks, water bottles, and crowdsurfers, culminating in a fireworks display lighting up over a premier of one of their new tracks. And did I mention that this entire function was free? ^_^ Much fun all around.
posted by Josiah  # 5/25/2003 07:58:00 PM


Ssdd, for the most part. The dance that I've been planning for the past few months is finally hapening, and I'm very much aware of Murphy's Law. It's gonna be fun tho. My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark I do not feel the romance, I do not catch the spark My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark I do not feel the romance, I do not catch the spark I don't know when I noticed life was life at my expense The words of my heart lined up like prisoners on a fence The dreams came in like needy children, tugging at my sleeve I said I have no way of feeding you, so leave There was a time I asked my father for a dollar And he gave me a ten dollar raise I needed my mother and I called her And she stayed with me for days Now someone's on the telephone, desperate in his pain Someone's on the bathroom floor, doing her cocaine Someone's got his finger on the button in some room No one can convince me we aren't gluttons for our doom But I tried to make this place my place  I asked for Providence to smile upon me, with his sweet face But I'll tell you My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark I do not feel the romance, I do not catch the spark My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark (By grace my sight grows stronger) And I will not be a pawn (I will not be) for the prince of darkness any longer Maybe there's no haven in this world for tender age My heart beat like the wings of wild birds in a cage My greatest hope my greatest cause to grieve And my heart flew from it's cage, and it bled upon my sleeve The cries of passion were like wounds that needed heeling I couldn't hear them for the thunder I was half the naked distance between hell and heaven's ceiling And it almost pulled me under Now someone's on the telephone, desperate in his pain Someone's on the bathroom floor, doing her cocaine Someone's got his finger on the button in some room No one can convince me, we aren't gluttons for our doom But I tried to make this place my place I ask for Providence to smile upon me, with his sweet face But I tell you My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark I do not feel the romance, I do not catch the spark My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark (By grace my sight grows stronger) I do not feel the romance, I do not catch the spark (I can feel it growing stronger) My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark (By grace my sight grows stronger) And I will not be a pawn (I will not be) for the prince of darkness any longer "Prince of Darkness", Indigo Girls.
posted by Josiah  # 5/23/2003 09:56:00 AM


A single snapshot, of her and a friend, laughing, smiling. The same smile that is stuck in his mind. The beatific look when she sees him. Is she pleased to see him because he's her friend, or because she sees him as something more? The signals are mixed and unclear. Another headache looms, and he quells it with more ibuprofen. Subtle shifts in her behavior, miniscule body language... Is she trying to tell him something, or is he reading way too deeply into nothing at all? Is there interest in her deep, beautiful eyes, or is that just wishful thinking? The only way to know for sure is to ask, and the thought is immediately grounded in the no-fly zone of fear and doubt. A younger girl in a red dress crosses his mind, quoting Shakespeare: "Hell... is murky..." Where did THAT come from? He rubs his eyes, and realizes how tired he is. Que Sera Sera and all, leave these worries for another day. He curls up on his bed and digs his face into the pillow. Another day... Tunes: "Here Comes The Sun", The Beatles; "Adrenaline", Gavin Rossdale; "3 AM", Matchbox 20.
posted by Josiah  # 5/21/2003 12:49:00 AM


Checklist for this weekend: Watch "Matrix: Reloaded": Check. Watch original "Matrix" again: Check. Watch MST3K: Check. Get confirmed: Check. Go see O'Carolan's Daughters gig: Check. Work out last-minute details for next weekend's dance: In Progress. Memorize lines for class: In Progress. Beat EarthBound (again): In Progress. In the immortal words of James Brown, "I feel good!" Tunes: "Crash And Burn", Savage Garden; "Fly Away From Here", Aerosmith; "Round Here", Counting Crows.
posted by Josiah  # 5/18/2003 05:26:00 PM


Very slow day. I've been under the weather what with allergies, and as such I've spent most of the day hidden away in my room or cleaning up the basement. Also, I'm sure I've forgotten to invite a bunch of people to my confirmation, so I'll give my readers the benefit of the doubt that I'd want them there, and say that it's at 11:00am at St. James' Cathedral in Chicago on May 17th. Hope to see you there, and if you can't make it keep me in your prayers. Tunes: "Look What Happened", Less Than Jake; "Bye Bye Love", The Cars; "Pre-Ex-Girlfriend", Five Iron Frenzy.
posted by Josiah  # 5/14/2003 10:43:00 PM


Between the ripped jeans, violently green hair, and spiked bracelets, most people glanced at her and quickly looked away, or stared openly. Either way, she was remembered as no more than a stereotype by the people walking by, slapped with a label and shunted to a corner of their memory. Sitting on a bench in the Botanical Gardens, she quietly pitied the aloof ones and ignored the gawkers. Digging around in her backpack, she digs out a notebook and pencil. Flipping through the pages, she finds a blank one and leans over it intently, the pencil tip scratching the page in light, fast strokes. An hour passes, unnoticed as she concentrates on the task at hand. The daylight slowly starts to fade and just as she is adding the finishing touches, a guard says, more harshly than is necessary, "Hey, you! Come on, we're closing up." Smiling broadly, she gets up. "Thanks," She says, tears out the page, and hands it to the guard. "Have a nice day," She tosses over her shoulder, as she makes her way to the parking lot. The guard, slightly taken aback, looks down at the page. It's a a rough sketch of a single flower, surrounded by dark and ominous shadows that loom maliciously. The flower itself is beautiful, and while a few of its petals litter the ground around it, it stands tall and firm, even in the face of the unknown horrors that encircle it. Shaking his head, the guard makes as if to toss the page into the trash, before thinking twice, folding it, and putting it in his pocket before walking away. She pulls into her driveway, parks, and walks up to the door of her house, when somehing by her feet catches her eye. Bending down, she picks up a white flower petal, rubs it gently between her fingers, and smiles. Tunes: "You Get Me", Michelle Branch; "Stuck In A Moment", U2; "Give Up The Grudge", Gob.
posted by Josiah  # 5/11/2003 09:58:00 PM


I plod down the street, scanning the dark alleyways with my eyes, making sure it's safe before turning and walking down the small flight of steps into The Gutter, home away from home. As always, a thick cloud of smoke hangs in the air; the smell of tobacco, pot, coffee, and liquor permeate the room, and the regulars glance up with a glint of recognitionin their eyes as I take my usual table. An obscure Canadian band is playing on the stereo: "And it's so hard/Khaili mushkileh/It's standing so hard again..." Terry, the barkeep, comes by with a tray and puts a cafe au lait and a black russian in front of me before moving on. A good two hours (and three drinks) later, I put a twenty on the table and drag my lazy carcass to the door. Outside, I take a few deep breaths as it starts to rain. Resigned, I start to trudge to my loft, getting soaked through. When I arrive, the door is open. Cautiously, I look in, and see a young woman, who looks about as disheveled as I feel. Startled, she looks up and holds holds up a soggy cigarette with a shaking hand. "Got a light?" Too shocked to do anything else, I pull out my zippo, and, rolling it against my palm, ignite it and hold it out. She tries a few times to get the flame to keep, but it's no use, and she shakes her head and sweeps out the door before I can react. As I stand, dumbfounded, the last strains of the song run through my head: "No no Raja/Don't you go back to her/No no Raja/Don't you" And I wonder. Wonder whether she'll ever show up again, what she was doing at my place, and why the hell she brought that song to mind. I wonder.
posted by Josiah  # 5/09/2003 07:55:00 PM


Some days I gotta wonder why life deals such crappy hands. Why I have to stumble through this twisted impromptu performance, jumping through hoops and all that jazz just to keep my head above water. Skip it, maybe I can swim better under the surface. And if not, hell, at least I'd go out trying. Wake up. Stop trying to come up with obscure metaphors and face it directly. Yes, there are a ton of downers, but there's a lot to be around for too. Dependable friends that depend on you, the smell of fresh rain on pavement, hearing your favorite song on the radio. Is it worth losing all theose things just because you got dumped or your parents are grounding you? Didn't think so. [As a point of clarification on behalf of my parents, I am not being grounded, and never have been, it was just a hypothetical frustrating situation for the piece in question.]
posted by Josiah  # 5/07/2003 10:36:00 PM


Kawaita hitomi de dareka na itekure. A Japanese lyric, translating to "Cry for me, somebody, with dry eyes". Khaili mushkileh. I learned that expression from Moxy Fruvous, in their song "No No Raja", which was also the inspiration for a piece I wrote a few days ago (a sort of noir-sy short story, maybe I'll blog it later on). The phrase is Farsi, and means "big problem" or "very problematic", more or less. Koyaanisqatsi. A Hopi word meaning "life out of balance" or "a state of life that calls for another way of living". 'Nuff said. Tunes: "The Real Folk Blues", Cowboy Bebop; "No No Raja", Moxy Fruvous; "Hello, My Treacherous Friends", OK Go.
posted by Josiah  # 5/03/2003 08:40:00 PM


Following Susie's lead, I, too, took the Which RENT Character Are You? test, and came out thusly: Roger
Roger - the musician. You're a sad soul, and you
know it. If only you could express yourself in
the way you long to! Let some love in, it'll

Which RENT Character Are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla
posted by Josiah  # 4/29/2003 11:39:00 PM


Sorry I haven't blogged for a bit, I've been trying to fix some screwups I've made in the HTML on my template. Meantimes, something for your reflection... I must not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I willl permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -Frank Herbert
posted by Josiah  # 4/28/2003 01:35:00 PM


The pain comes again, hurting like a slice of lemon wrapped around a solid gold brick. Wincing, he gropes around his desk for the pill bottle. Grasping it, he fumbles, trying to get the tamper-proof cap off; it finally pops, falling to the floor. He taps out two small circular pills labed I-2 and swallows them down. The phone rings, sounding/feeling like a small explosion in his head. "Hello?" He mumbles. A prerecorded voice says cheerfully, "Hi, I'm Dave from E-Z Debt Care! I'd like to tell you how you can-" He hangs up, and leans back in his chair, feeling the pressure slowly ease from his head. On an impulse, he gets up and opens the window shades. Squinting slightly from the sunlight, he beholds the odd scene: the bright sunny day, with the invisible chill sweeping through. As he smiles slightly, a friend's words rise unbidden to his mind: "Yeah, it's a messed up life we lead. But would you really want it any other way?" Tunes: "Hotel Room", Mest; "On The Roof Again", Eve 6; "What Do You Want From Life?", The Tubes.
posted by Josiah  # 4/23/2003 04:39:00 PM


Ah, the life of a teenage guy in the suburbs of Chicago. Confusion, clarity, headaches, peace, and really intense mood swings. Anyway: more abstraction. It sits under a pile of junk in a cardboard box, ageing and gathering dust. A beloved children's book, read over and over in years past, granting release from reality and opening avenues of imagination to a young mind. Now, abandoned, it seems its only purpose is to sit and take up space. The pages grow brittle and the cover, well-worn from its prior use, hangs limply from the binding. Just waiting, waiting to see whether it will be excavated and uncovered, revealed and brought out to bring more delight to another young child, or whether it will sit and rot, and slowly disintegrate away into nothingness. Only time will tell, and time is something it has plenty of. Tunes: "Scary Kisses", Voice of the Beehive; "I've Gotta Get a Message To You", Moxy Fruvous; "Date Rape", Sublime; "Sheep Go To Heaven", Cake. P.S. I've started linking to lyrics of the songs instead of the sound clips. It seemed to make more sense.
posted by Josiah  # 4/19/2003 11:34:00 PM


posted by Josiah  # 4/17/2003 11:09:00 AM


So yeah, the last few days have been pretty interesting. On Saturday I forgot to mention my first driving session, which went quite well. On Sunday I performed as Christ in the passion at church and did a good job, or so I'm told, and I went into downtown Chicago to the amazing Music Box Theater to see Cowbopy Bebop: The Movie, which was really incredibly good. Yes, the premise is somewhat far-fetched and corny, but the animation is extremely well done, especially during the martial arts sequences, and the first scene alone made me gasp with awe and double up laughing. Yesterday was kinda slow, and today my parents left town, I went out driving with Jane, and spent the evening doing geek stuff in the lab with Jane and Heather. Oh, and I'm over that breakdown i had the other day, it's all cool. Tunes (My two theme songs, for brighter and darker moods, respectively, and both with explicit lyrics): "F*ct Up Kid", Mest; "Creep", Radiohead.
posted by Josiah  # 4/15/2003 11:38:00 PM


Last night I went to see RENT, which was amazing and the experience of which was just breathtaking, but something happened that night that was more subtle and probably had more effect on my life. It made me cry. And although I've gotten misty-eyed watching movies and such, I haven't really cried, had tears wrenched out of me, for a very long time. Angel dying and Roger and Mimi's abandonment triggered a leak in a dam I'd been subconciously building for months, and as a result, I am currently alternately putting my life under close scrutiny and curling in a fetal position on my bed, clinging to the comforts I have. I'm not sure where the reactions of my specific empathies with the RENT characters is leading me, but I hope it's for the better, and that I will grow stronger from enduring this emotional whirlwind.
posted by Josiah  # 4/12/2003 10:38:00 PM


w00t!!! I just got back from the DMV, whre I ROCKED my permit test, scoring 100%! Tunes: "Oh Yeah", Yellow.
posted by Josiah  # 4/09/2003 10:18:00 AM


Urgle. Have my permit test first thing in the morning, which means I'll have to get to bed at a resonable hour, the people who were going to plan the homeschool dance party bailed and are passing me the buck, social obligations coming out the ears... blah. I think after I get home tomorrow morning I'll lock myself into my room, play some loud music, work out, and just... exist for a while. Also in local news, I got an extremely short haircut, got to watch the season finale of Dead Zone, and am going to go see RENT in Milwaukee this Friday. Tunes: "Everything's Gonna Be Alright", Al Green; "Iko Iko", Dixie Cups; "Sing Our Own Song", UB40.
posted by Josiah  # 4/08/2003 08:04:00 PM


Yes... OK. Interesting things... Last night went to a place in Skokie called the 7th Heaven Café to hear some friends play there. It occured to me after I'd agreed to come that I didn't know what kind of music they would be playing, but I reflected that Erica had shown excellent taste so far, and it couldn't be that bad. So I got there, and it turned out to be a sort of mix of folk, bluegrass, and celtic music. They were quite good, and I had a fun time. The performers, consisting of my friends Erica and Adrienne, their mother, and two friends of the family, did very well, and the audience was very enthusiastic, although they were all direct friends or relations. On a side note, I'd like to offer for reflection some lyric extracts that have been sticking in my head from "It's A Sin" by the Pet Shop Boys, which I linked to last time. "At school they taught me how to be/So pure in thought and word and deed/They didn't quite suceed" "Father forgive me I tried not to do it/Turned over a new leaf and tore right through it"
posted by Josiah  # 4/05/2003 08:54:00 PM


After much in the way of banter, barbs, and witticisms, Tripp and I have come to the agreement that we should settle our grievances on the digital field of pacifistic contest. It's actually somewhat depressing how few options are available, however. I'd feel guilty competing in Pod Racer, although there is a shared interest in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and I'd be more than willing to try him in You Don't Know Jack. Tunes: "It's A Sin", Pet Shop Boys; "Little Things", Good Charlotte; "Again", Lenny Kravitz.
posted by Josiah  # 4/02/2003 09:55:00 PM


"Life has been good to me, got very few complaints so far. Life has been good to me, hope you're as happy wherever you are." That pretty much sums it up. I'm feeling good. I got a 96 on my test in Driver's Ed, most of my friends have managed not to get into TOO much trouble, and the weather is finally getting warm again. Yay! Lots of tunes: "Want You Bad", The Offspring; "Hailie's Song", Eminem; "You're So Damn Hot", OK Go; "What a Good Boy", Barenaked Ladies; "Short People", Randy Newman.
posted by Josiah  # 4/01/2003 07:33:00 PM


Y'know, it's funny. After dinner tonight, I found out that Kentucky lost to Marquette! And SOMEone I know told me that Kentucky was going all the way this year. Yet, Marquette not only beat them, but trounced them by a full 14 points! Wow. I'm going to have to be careful which sources I listen to for next year's brackets. (Yes, I am really setting myself up for a beating here, but it's worth it ^_^) Tunes: "Didn't I (Blow Your Mind)", The Delfonics; "Losing My Religion", R.E.M.;
posted by Josiah  # 3/29/2003 06:24:00 PM


He walks down the street with a long, relaxed stride, pointedly looking at the sidewalk as he melds the monotony of his walking with the chaos of his life. Loud, angry music blares in his ears, at the same time relaxing and inflaming him. Images of people's faces float in his mind, flow charts and invisible connections rearranging themselves into a fluid mosaic of interaction. He clears his head for a moment, singing along softly with his headphones: "Back off I'll take you on/Headstrong to take on anyone/I know that you are wrong/And this is not where you belong..." He trips on an uneven slab of cement, and nearly falls. He shakes his head and pulls himself back to his normal pace. More faces, more connections; One face lingers, just out of focus. He tries to focus on it, to interpret the meaning. A screeching noise overrides the music, and his eyes flick upwards just in time to see a station wagon skidding out of control towards him when-- As he floats, seemingly in slow motion, he sees the face and wonders before all suddenly becomes black. Tunes: "Brian Wilson", Barenaked Ladies; "I Want You To Want Me", Letters To Cleo; "Save Yourself", Sense Field.
posted by Josiah  # 3/28/2003 02:09:00 PM


I just got watched Dreamcatcher with CJ and Heather and Leigh, and while we had a great time, it disturbed me deeply. I didn't realize the extent of how the movie had effected me until, while answering a call of nature, I was struck by the deep primal need to get AWAY from the toilet. Those of you who have seen the movie will understand. Those who haven't can draw their own conclusions. On a side note, I've been taking Driver's Ed since Monday, and it's been going steadily well. The class is extremely small (3 students, including me) and the teacher is easygoing and has a good sense of humor. I should have my permit by next week, and then the REAL fun begins. ^_^ Tunes: "We Belong Together", Rickie Lee Jones; "F*ct Up Kid", Mest; "I'll Be", Edwin McCain.
posted by Josiah  # 3/26/2003 11:26:00 PM


From the Internet Crypt of Things That Should Never Again See Light (or a computer screen, rather), here is something that will disturb you, chill your blood, and possibly amuse you. Scare Me (Or, if you are of a relatively young generation, in the under-10 range, you might genuinely enjoy it)
posted by Josiah  # 3/25/2003 10:10:00 AM


I want to send out a warm welcome to Carolyn, who has just joined the ranks of blogging individuals. Also, I've been fiddling with the html on my template, so if things change now and then, it's supposed to be happening that way. Or I'm just screwing up. Tunes: "Whip-Smart", Liz Phair.
posted by Josiah  # 3/23/2003 11:52:00 PM


In retrospect, my last post was somewhat misplaced. I should have posted that Wednesday night and this Thursday, but yeah. Life goes on. But Thursday I was at the big protest rally thing, and it was quite an experience. It was my first major rally, and I went only with a friend, no authority figure at all. I was invited on short notice, and Mom only had time to tell me that if I got arrested there'd be hell to pay, and that we'd talk more about civil disobedience later before I went out the door. When we arrived, there were maybe 75 people, standing in a crowd and yelling chants. After skimming he crowd and running into a number of other friends, the march began and we paraded down Jackson, confident in the knowledge that we were Doing the Right Thing. Of course, then all hell broke loose, but I had left for choir just before we hit Lake Shore Drive, so I missed the really nasty bits. Which is probably for the best, because I had forgotten to make a plan to let Mom know I was all right sometime before I got home at 10. Oops. Tunes: "What Kind of Self-Respecting Faggot Am I?", Romanovsky & Philips; "My Best Friend's Girlfriend", The Cars; "Choked Up", Minibar.
posted by Josiah  # 3/22/2003 11:19:00 PM


Urgle. What a week. Just after I posted last week, I packed my bags and left for Lexington, Kentucky, on a choir tour. That was fun, spent quality time with good friends, sang some good pieces, and generally caused riots. The designated field trip was probably the weakest point of the adventure. Sending a bunch of kids from Chicago to the Kentucky Historical Museum. Great planning there. But we survived, and arrived back home at 1:20am Monday morning. I have since been engrossing myself in such things that I missed in Kentucky, such as decent Net connections and musical taste, and studying for my Drama class, and getting back into the ebb and flow of social relationships here at home. Tunes: "Peaches", Presidents of the United States of America; "What I Got", Sublime; "Cadillac", Mest.
posted by Josiah  # 3/20/2003 01:56:00 PM


I've got a theory. A theory about how international-scale hostilities SHOULD be carried out, without such downsides as loss of life. The premise is this: The two opposing countries, and whichever allies they have mustered, duke it out-- in a huge network FPS game. Take your pick: Unreal Tournament, Medal of Honor, Quake 3, what have you, but something with a large network capacity and enough violence to satisfy the primal need to smash your enemy. In order to maintain a balance between actual and digital army might, bondwidth would be used: The USA, being a superpower, would have T3 connections; places such as Iraq would have dial-up 56k modems, maybe a DSL box here and there. The really major drawback to this plan is security. Uness strict security is kept, hackers could mess with the game/war/skirmish and toss the usefulness of the no-real-death war out the window. Tunes: "Big Balls", AC/DC; "Staring At The Sun", U2; "Hateful", The Clash.
posted by Josiah  # 3/12/2003 11:54:00 PM


Not too much has been happening. I just "keep on keepin' on" as my friend Tim keeps telling me. I did read (and applaud) Doc and David's World of Ends thing, I might be getting together with the band tomorrow, and I've been getting some writing done. It's still painfully slow, but at least it's going somewhere. Tunes: "Mahna Mahna", Cake; "Original Prankster", Offspring; "Life in the Foodchain", Tonio K; "Stuck in America", Sugarcult.
posted by Josiah  # 3/09/2003 12:59:00 AM


Note: this is not meant to reflect my personal emotions or how I am feeling at the moment. I don't want to worry anyone with this. I feel like a cartoon character. I'm smashed wih anvils, blown up with TNT, and thrown off cliffs. I am subjected to horrendous pain at someone else's great amusement, but I never die. I just get back up, only to be run over by another train. Why do I keep going? Why not just lie down, let the exhaustion win? I honestly don't know. My friends are close ties to me, but even that pull seems to fade in comparison with the sweet release of lying down, and not playing the game. There are games you can't win. It just gets harder and harder until you lose or are killed out. Wouldn't a preferable alternative be to leave the game? Escape the inevitability of defeat? But how? Not death, that would only be giving in to the game, and admitting that there is no other choice. I wonder if I will ever find that option. I hope so. Tunes: "Girl's Not Grey", AFI; "United States of Whatever", Liam Lynch; "Somewhere I Belong", Linkin Park. (Couldn't find any clips for these ones, I'll try again next time)
posted by Josiah  # 3/06/2003 01:01:00 AM


I swear I think this was the Weekend of the Dying Peripherals. First off, my Visor had to be reset, and now when I try and install the files I've backed up, it was a system error and has to be reset again. Also, my iPod, which is already a warranty replacement, has a dying screen, so that has to go back to California. The CD burner doesn't work, but that's been a standard for a while now. *sigh* What's a poor geek to do? Tunes: "Blue", Eiffel 65; - "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden", Suicide Machines; - "Du Hast", Rammstein; - "Do the Bartman", The Simpsons. P.S. As you may have noticed, I've started giving links to sound clips of the music I've been listening to. The clips are in RealPlayer format, mainly because I like RealPlayer better than Windows Media. If you care enough about that sort of thing to object, go and look the clips up yourselves.
posted by Josiah  # 3/03/2003 04:49:00 PM


It was a cold Chicago night as the snow fell around and I thought that i just might stay out late and hit the town But when I saw you standing on the corner I quickly changed my mind because I'd rather be there with you than at the bars anytime It was a year ago today when we met just down my street you caught my eye and smiled and knocked me off my feet Now as we walk along the lakeside beneath a skyline gold and bright I see your face alight with wonder at the beauty of the sight And streetlights guide our steps to home as we return no more to roam til tomorrow night
posted by Josiah  # 3/01/2003 03:19:00 PM


Sorry to my eager following (note sarcasm) for not posting for a while. As recompense, I offer a work in progress, which is based on a true story. It has been edited for content. V.O. I suppose it all started in a Starbucks. Cut into a street at evening, facing a mildly busy Starbucks. Slowly zoom in on a table in the window, where a teenager with short hair and glasses sits opposite a man on the young side of middle-aged with a short-cropped beard and glasses. V.O. Paul wasn't exactly what I'd expected in a confirmation mentor. He's the sort of guy who still has a kind of gleeful, simple, happy childlike mentality underneath a veneer of maturity and insight. Or maybe vice versa. He also wanted me to memorize the Lord's Prayer in Tolkien Elvish, but thats another story. By now we are right up to the glass. Pass through the glass and stop. Teen (same voice as V.O.) That's total crap. Cut between the faces of the teen (Si) and the man (Paul). Si Jesus wasn't anywhere NEAR pure. At the wedding in Cana, he gets plastered with his buddies, then tells his mother "shut up" when she asks him to help the hosts. Paul Right. Christ was fully human, and had human vices. Si Right. Paul And The love of God... Si *sighs* Jeez I don't know how to put this... umm well I see the love of God through the simple joys in life. Y'know, like putting on clothes that are fresh out of the dryer. Paul (chuckles, then glances at his watch) Well, this is good progress. We'll talk more about this later, but I think you have to get going, right? Si (also checking the time) Yeah, choir starts soon. They both get up, putting on their coats, and Paul picks up his shoulder bag. They walk out the door. Watch the door shut behind them. Cut to black. Cut into a basement hallway, where Si comes out of what looks like a renovated boiler room amidst a crowd of other teenagers and some adults, carrying a black folder under his arm. Paul is out in the hall, waiting for him. Si Hey, Paul. How's it goin'? Paul Good, thanks. I have a bit of an assignment for you. He digs around in his bag, coming out with a small disposable camera. He hands it to Si, who looks down at it, then back at Paul, somewhat uncomprehendingly. Paul I want you to use this camera to take pictures of the love of God as you see it. Si Paul, You know me, right? I obsess over music, movies, writing. Not still photography. Paul smiles knowingly, Si shrugs and stuffs the camera into a coat pocket. Si All right, whatever. I'm game. Paul Good. I have to go, I'll see you later. Si Ok, I'll work on this. Paul (over his shoulder) But don't work too hard on it! Si (to himself) Yeah, sure.
posted by Josiah  # 2/22/2003 06:23:00 PM


Having the flu really really stinks. I am finally (mostly) better, but for three days I was bedridden, and I kept remembering a lecture I once went to by Richard Preston, wherein he described, complete with slides, the degenerative effects of smallpox and the ebola virus. I felt kinda like that, minus the pox covering my face and the bleeding from the eyes. And now that I'm all better the rest of the family is being brought low. Tunes: "It's Only Love", The Beatles (Thanks, Halley; it's on "Help!", btw); "Son of a Preacher Man", Dusty Springfield.
posted by Josiah  # 2/13/2003 10:41:00 PM


Yesterday afternoon, Susie, Heather, Heather's friend Gary and I piled into the car and headed off for Milwaukee. What, you may ask, drove us to go to Wisconsin, of all places? Simple answer. The Indigo Girls were playing there. We arrived way early, which turned out to be a good thing, because the only (relatively) reasonable restaurant didn't have terribly fast service, although the food was quite good. But the show. Ohmygoodness. I was totally blown away. The opening act was Kim Richey, whom I'd never heard before, but was very good, musically. But then Emily and Amy took the stage, and good became amazing. Soon after the set started and things were getting into full swing, Amy started having problems with her guitar cord, and, because she got preoccupied with the problem, forgot the words the third line into "Reunion", causing great amusement, and the rest of us were told to sing along to help her out as they started again. All went well, except perhaps that a few people a couple of rows ahead of us seemed to a little the better or the worse for the beer, and were thus a trifle on the overenthusiastic side. So all in all, it was an extremely good night. Tunes: "Every River", Kim Richey; "Least Complicated", Indigo Girls.
posted by Josiah  # 2/08/2003 12:12:00 PM


She grew up in an Indiana town, Had a good-lookin' mama who never was around. But she grew up tall and she grew up right With them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights. Well, she moved down here at the age of eighteen. She blew the boys away, was more than they'd seen. I was introduced and we both started groovin'. She said, "I dig you baby, but I got to keep movin' on. Keep movin' on." Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain. I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again. Well, I don't know, but I've been told, You never slow down, you never grow old. I'm tired of screwin' up, tired of going down, Tired of myself, tired of this town. Oh, my, my. Oh, hell, yes. Honey, put on that party dress. Buy me a drink, sing me a song. Take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long. Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain. I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again. There's pigeons down on Market Square. She's standin' in her underwear, Lookin' down from a hotel room. Nightfall will be comin' soon. Oh, my, my. Oh, hell, yes. You got to put on that party dress. It was too cold to cry when I woke up alone. I hit my last number and walked to the road. Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain. I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again. "Mary Jane's Last Dance", Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
posted by Josiah  # 2/04/2003 08:39:00 PM


In this paper I hope to point out several advantages to my taking driving lessons, and possibly persuade you (my parents) to, if not allow me, at least take note of the points made herein and my dedication and initiative with regard to the attainment of this goal. One: Easing of responsibilities on your part. 1) By being able to drive, I would be able to transport myself to various locations and events, allowing you to stay at home and not have to ferry me around. 2) I would also be able to run various errands, such as to the grocery store and ferrying Pippa (my sister) to and from choir, allowing you to continue whatever you may be doing (work, nap, etc.) 3) On long driving excursions, (vacations, road trips, etc.) I would be able to take shifts at the wheel, thus providing a break for the two of you, and easing the workload. Two: Parental involvement in the learning process. 1) By my learning how to drive now, you would have much more say and control in the learning process, and be able to temper my lessons with your own advice and experience. 2)You would be able to monitor my progress more directly if I learned sooner, and adjust my driving privileges respectively. Three: Safety. 1) By being able to drive, I would be able to provide somewhat safer rides than some of the people with whom I currently carpool. 2) In case of emergency when both parents are out of the house, I would be able to rapidly transport myself or Pippa to the hospital. I hope that your reading this has, if not convinced you to allow me to take Driver's Ed, at least made you stop to consider my arguments, and demonstrated some of the means I will go to to try and achieve this end. -P.S. I wanted to put up a poll to see how effective this is in general, but I don't have the know-how to set it up. But if you want to give me feedback, dop me a line at Tunes: "Don't Toss Us Away", Lone Justice; "Volvo-Driving Soccer Mom", Everclear; "Life in a Northern Town", Dream Academy; "Message in a Bottle", The Police.
posted by Josiah  # 1/31/2003 09:23:00 PM


Dang Sunday night was a trip. I didn't know squat about either team (I decided to root for Tampa Bay cause I used to live there), I was the only one in my family who a) could make it to Tripp's party, and b) knew and/or cared about the game. All went well, and I won the pool, which raised a few problems on its own, seeing as I'm not really supposed to gamble, and Tripp unwittingly informed my dad of the "good" news rather directly. All turned out OK, though, and the amount of support I got from seminarians was quite touching. By 6:00 the following night I'd received two emails from people who hadn't even been there making sure I wasn't grounded or the like. Tunes: "The Joy of Your World", MC Paul Barman; "Truly Madly Deeply", Savage Garden; "Baby I Love Your Way", UB40.
posted by Josiah  # 1/28/2003 11:02:00 AM


Tonight I went to a fellow parishoner's place to see a slideshow he had compiled from a cruise of certain islands in the southern Indian ocean, down south near Antarctica. There were beautiful landscapes, lots and lots and lots of cute penguins, several not-as-cute elephant seals, and bizarre vegetation. all in all it was a nice evening, I suppose, but I was a bit preoccupied as my beloved iPod has taken ill and needs a replacement battery, and I am running short on time before the warranty runs out. :-( But life is generally good so I'm just gonna bum around and have a good time like normal. Tunes: "Swing, Swing", All-American Rejects.
posted by Josiah  # 1/25/2003 12:12:00 AM


I had a match But she had a lighter I had a flame But she had a fire I was bright But she was much brighter I was high But she was the sky Oh baby I was bound for Mexico Oh baby I was bound to let you go I don't know much about Cinco de Mayo I'm never sure what it's all about But I say I want you And you don't believe me You say you want me But I've got my doubts Oh baby I was bound for Mexico Oh baby I was bound to let you go I had a match But she had a lighter I had a flame But she had a fire I was bright But she was much brighter I was high But she was the sky Oh baby I was bound for Mexico Oh baby I was bound to let you go "Bound for Mexico", Cake
posted by Josiah  # 1/21/2003 10:47:00 PM


I watched Hackers last night! Boy, what a crappy movie! The plot, premise, characters, script, effects... It all stank!!! The only thrills I got were from a) counting the actors I recognized (3), and b) laughing at the ridiculous interfaces and technical specs they gave their equipment. In 1995, a Pentium 6 processor in an Apple Powerbook??? Give me a break! And the visual effects portraying "hacking" were extremely lame. This is a movie I laugh at, not with. Tunes: "We're Gonna Be Friends", White Stripes; "You're So Damn Hot", OK Go.
posted by Josiah  # 1/20/2003 10:51:00 PM


Halley's recent posts on Alpha Maledom have stirred mixed feelings in me. First, the exposure of trade secrets is somewhat unsettling; second, I have a deep-seated urge to find, hunt down and kill the informers; and third, I NEED to direct about half of my friends to read this stuff so they can stop pestering ME. Now if Halley can get up some posts about Alpha Females to take care of the other half... Tunes: "Skokiaan", Louis Armstrong.
posted by Josiah  # 1/17/2003 11:35:00 PM


Having recently read certain of the works of Corey Doctorow (at the behest/insistence/demand of Dad), and I was extremely impressed. The science fiction and conspiracy theory-ism of Down and Out and 0wnz0red really struck a nerve, and I distanced myself for a short while afterwards, trying to come to grips with the plot twists and realities of the technology described to me. The first rational response I came up with was "Wow". The second, "I gotta get me some of that". In a Whuffie-based system I'd be much better off, not to mention the self-reparatory systems of 0wnz0red which I really want at th emoment as I have a sinus infection or something close. And should you read this, Corey, I'd be more than glad to try and draft you a screenplay for 0wnz0red. ^_^ Tunes: "Steve McQueen", Sheryl Crow; "Cruel to be Kind", Nick Lowe; "Mad Season", Matchbox 20.
posted by Josiah  # 1/16/2003 02:32:00 PM


OK I'm really sorry for dropping off the face of the planet like that. I'm sure I let down my faithful 15 or so daily readers, and I'm gonna put forth some effort into making sure it doesn't happen again. As a sort of recompense, and also because I'm sleep-deprived and a little buzzed for some reason, I feel like being reckless and so I'm going to break news here that is exclusive. I haven't even talked to my parents about it yet, mainly because they're asleep, like I should be at this ungodly hour, but there's no way I'm getting back to sleep now. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. The important theme of to(night? day?)'s blog can be summed up in four words: I met this girl. Reality check time. I didn't physically meet her, a somewhat pushy mutual friend tried to set us up over Instant Messenger, and had I been coherent when she started I probably would have told her to not even bother. You're a dear, Aurora, but your judgement is sometimes foggy in these matters. However, after a little sugar and some death threats on Aurora's part, this girl Rachel and I started talking and the rest, as they say, is history. (I actually don't like that expression for some reason but I just can't help myself.) Now, all that really happened was we got to know each other and we had a nice long talk into the wee hours of the night, and I'm probably going to have to have a long talk with my parents, but I'm confident that I'm on top of the situation. If it develops, that's fabulous; if not, I'll have another friend and I'm no worse off than before. There will most likely be more on this subject later on. I'd like to apologize again for my absence, and promise that I'm going to try very hard to get in at LEAST two or three postings a week. It's good to be home. ^_^ Tunes: "Then I Met You", The Proclaimers; "Lifetime", Maxwell; "One Wild Night", Bon Jovi.
posted by Josiah  # 1/15/2003 04:23:00 AM


OK, I'm going to talk about Lord of the Rings tonight. My hopes and expectations were high, and well met. Three hours of, maybe not captivating but intense filmography. It didn't concentrate nearly as much on Frodo, which was nice, the battle footage was well done, the Ents were extremely satisfying, and Gollum was superbly portrayed. On the downside, there were some disappointing flashback and dream squences, and the movie doesnt get as far along in the plotline as I would have hoped. But all the same, I find myself counting the days (4) until I see it again.
posted by Josiah  # 12/18/2002 09:44:00 PM


Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you were to find an isolated place and cut yourself off from the world? To distance yourself as fully as possible from the masses and media, from divisions and differences, and live apart from it all? How different would you be? How different COULD you be? Is there a part of us buried way down deep inside us that, if released, could allow us to survive apart from company, apart from others, and leave beind the technologies and industries that from most of our lives? Or are we bound to them, having them be a part of us, relying on them so heavily that, in removing ourselves from that support, we collapse? Is there any way of knowing? Tunes: "Set It Off", Audioslave; "Belong", R.E.M.; "The Kids Aren't Alright", Offspring.
posted by Josiah  # 12/14/2002 06:13:00 PM


OK, two-part post. First is the boring newsy stuff. This weekend was so incredibly long. Friday was pretty laid back. I dropped into the gym class I dropped out of a little while back and am going to sign back in. I'd really forgotten how good it feel to work up a sweat in competitive sports. Especially dodge ball. After that I went and saw a movie with my buddy Tim and bummed around online playing cribbage the rest of the night. The insanity begins on Saturday. I sang at church from about 10 to 5 at various practices and a wedding, and got home in just enough time to eat dinner and take a breather before gong to an overnight party at a friend's house (that I had to leave at midnight because it was a coed thing. I'm going to have a "discussion" with my parents about this.) Sunday morning I was at church in the morning from 9 to 1, because there was a forum from the search committee. I went back at 3:45 to practice for the Lessons and Carols service that evening, which went rather well, and once the service and reception were all over and done with, I went home and collapsed on my bed. OK, Part Two. The movie I saw on Friday, "Real Women Have Curves", was one of the best movies I have seen in quite a while. Yes, it is kind of a chick flick, but that only increases the allure for me. It's about a young woman who, after graduating from high school, is forced to work in her sister's dress-making factory with her sister and her mother, with whom she clashes frequently, instead of going to college like she wants to. While learning more about her sister and mother and trying to write her essay for her college application, she also starts going out with a boy from her school. And the whole thing is so freaking beautiful! Go out and see it in the theater NOW nefore it leaves. Not at the cost of your Two Towers tickets, though. "Comfortably Numb", Pink Floyd; "Hate & War", The Clash; "Stuck In America", Sugarcult.
posted by Josiah  # 12/09/2002 11:15:00 AM


Not too much happening in my world; An all-day movie fest last saturday, my brother was home for the weekend, and I might be forming a band with some of my friends. The feel-good technique I've been using hasn't really let me down yet, and I'm starting to wonder if it's unhealthy in some way not to feel bad at all. I feel kind of like Ron Livinston in Office Space after he gets hypnotized-- encountering problems but shrugging them off as they come. I'm having cares but not worries. And it feels really really good. Tunes: "Video Killed the Radio Star", The Buggles; "Good Times Roll", The Cars.
posted by Josiah  # 12/04/2002 12:43:00 PM


Thanksgiving was all well and good, as far as that goes. We got to watch the special edition Lord of the Rings dvd and we ate Mom's enchiladas and listened to "Alice's Restaurant". And then we watched Koyaanisqatsi. Dang. That movie is so amazing. I'd practically grown up listening to the music, which was eerie and haunting and fascinating enough, but the movie was all that and hypnotic. There was beauty in the images, and there were shots that had some obscure meaning open to your own interpretation, and the blend of film and music was extremely well done. There was no separation of soundtrack and film, there was only the whole. In case you can't tell, it made a lasting impression. KOYAANISQATSI ko. yaa. nis. katsi. n. 1. crazy life. 2. life in turmoil. 3. life disintegrating. 4. life out of balance. 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living.
posted by Josiah  # 11/29/2002 05:07:00 PM


Mom and Dad have been traipsing about Toronto at the AAR/SBL conference for the last few days, meaning that yours truly has been in charge of the house. Trips like this make me admire and respect my parents much more than usual. Generally things have gone well: I just stock up on movies and Pippa bascially takes care of herself for the most part. It also helps that I've been trying out a new method for keeping myself on the right track: I do not allow myself to feel sad/angry/mopey/depressed. In unavoidable situations I listen to soothing music and go back to square one. It's worked for three days, and I have high hopes for future success. Tunes: "Three MCs and One DJ", Beastie Boys; "Slippery People", Talking Heads.
posted by Josiah  # 11/24/2002 11:55:00 PM


The other night I went with a group of friends and my little sister to see the new Harry Potter movie. I hadn't been expecting too much. Sequels in general tend to be the weakest part of a series, and this rule of thumb is certainly true of the book. However, Harry Potter 2 was, if not a better movie, certainly more entertaining than the first. The screenplay was relatively well adapted, but as a result of having to compact a somewhat hefty book into approximately 160 pages, the movie is nonstop action-- not a minute is wasted plotwise, excepting Quidditch. The camerawork is fairly par with last time: wide, sweeping shots of beautiful landscapes and architecture whenever possible. The acting is generally well done, especially Kenneth Branagh, but because we only see Harry at times when he is under the heavy burden of saving the world, there isn't as much variety in his character as one might like. There is also a beautifully done bit at the end (SPOILERS BEWARE) when Ron and Harry reunite with Hermione, and Hermione flings herself into Harry's arms, and turns to Ron. The moment of awkward and conflicting emotions between and inside them is absolutely perfect as they stand for a moment, and then shake hands, extending their arms as far as possible. Tunes: "Woke Up This Morning", A3; "No Thugs In Our House", XTC.
posted by Josiah  # 11/19/2002 11:05:00 PM


Diagnostics check: Eyes still dilated. Pulse fast but strong. Can't sit still but managing all right. Ah, the wonders that adrenaline, testosterone, hormones, and chocolate can do. Anyweay, sorry abou the slow week. I've been behind, plus my wonderful mother discovered the text I've been screenwriting from, so I've been bingeing on that project the last few nights. But we had the first real snowfall today!!!!! I celebrated the event with some of my very close friends in a bonding ritual involving makeshift hot chocolate and candles. But wow am I wired. This is not the condition I need to be in, considering I have to get up early for church tomorrow morning, but I'll manage somehow. Tunes: "Hiphopper", Thomas Rusiak; "Jackass", Bloodhound Gang.
posted by Josiah  # 11/16/2002 10:55:00 PM


This morning I roused myself at a horrifyingly early hour and still managed to have a very good day. I'll file that under "Freak Happenings to Investigate". So I took the L to church, arriving at 7:45, tied up some loose ends, and bummed around for an hour or so, during which Mom and I got the news about our new car. So that was a boost, and I then spent an hour hanging out with my friend and ex-co-head boy Mark, which is always fun. Choir went all right, and I went to lunch at Clarke's with Stu and Connor and Mr. Bee, after which I went home, kept loading up the iPod, went back to church for youth group, which was exceptionally good today as we got a larger crowd than our usual three or four. I came back home, put even more songs on the iPod (971 songs and counting), and played lots of cribbage with my online cronies, one of the simple pleasures in life. Tunes: "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)", Nine Days; "Mambo De La Luna", Kirsty MacColl; "Lose Yourself", Eminem.
posted by Josiah  # 11/10/2002 09:58:00 PM


Today was a happy day. I had geometry class in the morning, which was ok. But when I got home... IT was there waiting for me. With trembling hands, I tore open the package and beheld the sheer magnificence of: My very own iPod. OK, thats where most of the drama goes out the window. It took me three hours to get it to work properly, and that was a erious bummer, but oh my was it worth it. Bearing the vast majority (914 songs) of my music library, with a gig left to spare, and only the size of a deck of cards. And i don't care about those whiners complaining about the size of the earphones. The quality more thatn makes up for any size problems (which I incedentally haven't noticed). Also, in recent events, I got a nice easy scene in drama class this go-round. We're doing the Glass Menagerie and I am one of many Toms. Tunes: "What's Golden?", Jurassic 5; "Across the Universe", Fiona Apple
posted by Josiah  # 11/06/2002 09:11:00 PM


Hey there. Halloween weekend was... really fun. The actual day went fine; all the seminary kids came in a clump, and that was about it for trick-or-treaters at our house. I didn't go out, seeing as mom bought candy for many many more kids than came. Friday night I sang the Fauré reqiuem at the all soul's mass at St. Luke's, which was the most beautiful musical performance I've been a part of since last Christmas. And then Saturday. Football practice, a few hour's work at the office, and just enough time to grab a bite for dinner and throw on a quick'n'easy costume (Steve Jobs. Hey, jeans and a black turtleneck and you're set) before going out to a party hosted by some of the local homeschoolers. It was really intensely great. I'm sure that most of you reading this are familiar with party setups from your teenage or college years. I don't get to do that very often so this was a real treat. However, the morning after wasn't exactly fabulous. First off, after a really intense long party, I tend to go through a stage I call Post-Party Limbo, limbo being used in a more purgatory-esque case rather than the stick. I sit around, only listen to quiet, gentle music, and am generally listless. Now this usually works fine, I just space out for a day. However, waking up bright and early for three and a half hours of church doesn't exactly help the case. So now I'm finally back on a (relatively) normal track, and ready to face another long and daunting week. Tunes: "Freedom", Housemartins; "Smash the Marketplace", Screaming Blue Messiahs.
posted by Josiah  # 11/04/2002 11:15:00 AM


For the last two weeks I've gotten server errors every time I tried to post something. So I eventually complain to Dad, who logs into my blogger account, and it started working perfectly again. So I'm back! last weekend I went to the McSweeney's vs. TMBG show down at the Athenaeum, which was awesome. The show was split into three parts: The first part was the opening band, the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, who are amazing, being a family of three: the father plays keyboard and sings, the mother runs the slide projector, and the eight-year-old daughter plays drums and sings. They are incedentally on Conan O'Brian next tuesday night, if any of you stay up that late. The second part of the show comprised readings by such esteemed literary, graphic, and radio personalities as Dave Eggers, Keith Knight, and Ira Glass. And the third section was the set. they may only have had fifteen minutes for their set, but gosh darn it, they wanted to make it one of the best fifteen-minute sets ever. And they did. With classics such as "Why Does The Sun Shine?", oddities like the 18-songs-in-3-minutes set "Fingertips", and newer songs ("Robot Parade", "Au Contraire"), it was truly a night to remember. On a side note, I recently received a Handspring Visor from my mother, and I just ordered my iPod, so I feel the vestiges of geek euphoria coming on. Tunes: "Bill's Rap", the Cardboards; "Follow You, Follow Me", Genesis
posted by Josiah  # 10/30/2002 06:47:00 PM


I had a choir rehearsal tonight for those choir memberswho volunteered to perform the Fauré Requiem for the All Souls service, and I'm still basking in the aftermath of such glorious music. I haven't had that good a musical experience since the ATBs of the men and boy's choir performed Biebl's Ave Maria last Christmas. In the way of more random thoughts, I'm excited about the upcoming They Might Be Giants concert that I'm going to this weekend, and Tim and I are close enough to finished with our script that we're thinking about agents and such. Maybe Halley can give me a tip or two... Tunes: "Requiem", Fauré; "Ave Maria", Biebl
posted by Josiah  # 10/21/2002 11:07:00 PM


Blogger has been REALLY ticking me off lately. Server errors have made me unable to broadcast my (mostly nonsensical and unimportant) writing. But anyway... The last two nights I have trekked into downtown Chicago with my church choir to eat a fast-food dinner and spend three hours a night being filmed for BBC's "Songs of Praise". While the show is most unavailable to those of us in the USA, there's a decent chance our overseas friends might see me, assuming they watch tv on Sunday mornings. On top of that, I've started a goemetry course with a lot of other homeschoolers.While I have taken geometry before, this one is being taught in a very different way that involves lots of paper plates, bobby pins, and being at class for three hours on Wednesday mornings before I normally wake up. My strategy for next time is to bring coffee. Lots of coffee.
posted by Josiah  # 10/17/2002 11:41:00 PM


I just today watched Moonlight Mile with some very close friends. This is one of the best movies i have seen in quite a while. And coming from me, that's saying something. It is funny and sad at the same time, the story is well written, the plot is unpredictable, and the actors are phenomenal. Especially Susan Sarandon. Moonlight Mile is also the sort of movie that sucks you into it, leaving you only dimly aware of the world outside the movie. The story is about a young man whose fiance has just been killed, and he decides to stay on with his would-be in-laws. The way grief is mixed with humor is wonderful and artfully done and is very realistic. The main downer of he film is the ending, which is a bit overdone and drags on longer than necessary. But all in all it is a movie well worth seeing. Tunes: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough", Marvin Gaye; "Unwanted", Kill Hannah
posted by Josiah  # 10/13/2002 10:27:00 PM


I feel kinda out of the loop with Dad and everyone at the DIDW conference, but I did heartily enjoy Gary and Steve's accounts of Volvo guy. Still, things have been really life as usual here. It's like when you go early to a fireworks display to get good seats... And then you're stuck waiting there for an hour or two until the show actually starts. For me, fireworks include activities from sleeping over at friend's houses to a They Might Be Giants concert and a requiem service. So to fill the time, I goof off, I write movies, I write songs, and I look ahead and start examining colleges, the current highlight being Wheaton college in Massachusetts. After asking a high school friend of Dad's who lives nearby there his opinion, he gave me words of encouragement: "Bon Chance! (That means 'Take a chance with this bon bon' in French)" Tunes: "Big Balls", AC/DC; "Things I'll Never Say", Avril Lavigne
posted by Josiah  # 10/10/2002 11:44:00 PM


My Life: the Movie is probably a really boring concept, and it won't work anyway, but for quite a while now I've fantasized about writing the quintessential teen movie. And when I say teen movie, I'm talking more John Hughes than sex jokes, but still I haven't seen a "teen movie" that really captures the essence of teenagerdom. John Hughes does well, but Happily Ever Afters just don't happen, and while dirty jokes are common, life is not all drugs, beer busts and sex. What is needed is to find the balance between the parties and good times and the gritty real life and downers. And since I seriously doubt anyone in Hollywood is going to come to the same conclusion (or at least won't expect it to sell), the burden falls to me. So I give you a piece of the beginning of a draft of the Quintessential Teen Movie. Fade in to sneakers plodding down a sidewalk. The sunlight splays across the pavement in mellow tones of yellow and orange. Circle around the feet a couple of times, then slowly look up along and past the worn jeans, up to the heavy backpack and t-shirt, and up into the face of a teenage boy. He has shaggy brown hair, small glasses, and a few pimples. He looks tired and slightly discouraged, his head drooping slightly. We watch him enter a duplex on a beautiful street. Inside, the house is badly in need of cleaning up. Things are strewn all over. He dumps his backpack on the floor. Boy (loudly) Hello! A muffled voice comes from upstairs. Voice (O.S.) Hey, honey! The boy pulls open a door and goes downstairs to the basement, which, while messy, is somewhat more organized: a pile of tapes surround the TV, a table is piled high with Legos, and one table in the corner has a computer with two prominent speakers, a printer, and other peripherals scattered around it. He sits down in front of the computer and , clicking, starts blaring loud music. He then leans back, closes his eyes, and breathes deeply. Suddenly he snaps up and begins typing rapidly.
posted by Josiah  # 10/08/2002 10:44:00 PM


Lately I've been listening to a favorite song of mine, "Crawling in the Dark", by Hoobastank. The lyrics really get to me, the second verse most of all, especially when I'm feeling down and confused. "Help me carry on Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness Will the ending ever be coming sudenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story? Show me what it's for make me understand it I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answers Is there something more than what I've been handed I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answers" And I at least am crawling in the darkness, fumbling my way through this twisted obstacle course called Life. So far I've been lucky enough to find friends, other explorers groping their way also, but now we have each other to cling to and reassure ourselves and each other that we are not alone and not to be afraid of what is to come. Some may lose their hold and lose their way, but there are always willing hands waiting for them if they find their way back. Tunes "Crawling in the Dark", Hoobastank; "Smells Like Teen Spirit", Nirvana.
posted by Josiah  # 10/06/2002 09:49:00 PM


Yesterday was really kinda boring, so I opted for the activity that holds the all-time record on time-wasting for me: The Sims. The Sims, for those of you outside the gaming loop, is a game where you create a person or persons and pretty much run their lives for them. Right now I'm working on two seperate projects: creating the perfect sim by means of exploiting loopholes in the program, and managing a house full of sims based on me and my homeschooling friends. The second one has proved quite annoying, as we've had more than our fair share of fires, burglaries, cockroach infestations, and other such accidents. Now, any rational person would take these experiences to the conclusion that if its frustrating and eventually pointless, then one should stop. And that tought did come to me, and I resolved to quit- until my sim got a promotion at work. Tunes: "Clint Eastwood", Gorillaz; "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta", Geto Boys; "It's Going Down", X-Ecutioners.
posted by Josiah  # 10/03/2002 11:19:00 AM


OK, this blogger connection problem is starting to peeve me greatly. But I won't start ranting about that because it's pointless to moan about things you can't help. The major event of the last few days was: I learned football. I am sure some of you reading this will be shocked that a young hardy american boy knew virtually nothing of this national pastime, but I was raised into baseball and basketball and the One True Sport: Ultimate Frisbee. However, havig recently been askeed to referee the Seabury games, I found myself in a student's apartment last night, watching the Broncos/Ravens game with root beer in hand. Which, as games went, was a relative slaughter, but it served my purposes admirably, because the Broncos, who did not seem exactly on top of things, provided ample oppurtunity for me to learn foul types and signals. And to whoever the Bronco's QB was that night: even I knew that chest-slamming a ref is a really really stupid move. Tunes: "Across The Night", Silverchair; "I Love LA", Randy Newman.
posted by Josiah  # 10/01/2002 08:39:00 PM


Now, before anyone starts ragging on me for not blogging: It's not my fault. I've written something every day but every time i finish writing my connection to blogger dies so i can't post or log out or anything, which has peeved me greatly. So, in summary, the last week has been relatively packed. On Tuesday, I had my first homeschool drama class of the year. We're starting with "The Odd Couple", and we've been having fun with that. There was also a dessert function at the seminary to welcome the incoming class that was pretty fun. Wednesday was mostly work, in the form of office work, homework, blocking lines, and composing more lyrics and music (finished one song and another on the way), topped off with a late night game party next door. Thursday I worked some more in various ways, watched "Barbershop" again, went to a service at the seminary, and went down to choir. Friday: Even more work *gasp* along with going out with the usual suspects to see The Four Feathers, which was fabulous, and ending the night over at Tim's house.And today I hung out with Tim for most of the morning then came back home to play The Sims and beat my Dad at Star Wars: Podracer. OK, in all fairness he DID give me a run for my money, but I did triumph in the end. Tunes: "A Praise Chorus", Jimmy Eat World; "Wide, Wide River", The Fugs; "Rock Star", N*E*R*D
posted by Josiah  # 9/28/2002 09:06:00 PM


There are times when I feel like Rob in Nick Hornsby's High Fidelity, minus most of the girl trouble. I realize that detracts a lot from Rob's character, but the point I'm trying to make is that I have almost an obsession with music, I am opinionated about bands/genres/sounds, what I listen to affects how I feel immensely... In short, music is a very major part of my life. And so, in an effort to put some more quality music out into the world (and a drive to fulfill a childhood dream), I have started writing songs. Using an old electric keyboard (My brother left behind three composition programs on the computer that would work extremely well but I have no clue how to use them), I've managed to crank out some lyrics and hopefully will have some instrumentation soon. Finding people to actually perform my work is a definite problem, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. Tunes: "Girl", The Beatles; "Lovers in a Dangerous Time", Barenaked Ladies; "I'm On My Way", The Proclaimers; "When It's Over", Sugar Ray
posted by Josiah  # 9/23/2002 09:51:00 PM


Last night I watched Aliens, with mixd reactions. While my friend Tim, who lent ot to me, assured me that it was the best of the series, I just didn't connect with it as much as Alien. I think part of my complaint is that in Aliens, they change the image of the alien from a solitary, cold, calculating hunter to an extension of a hive mind ( which seemed to seriously limit its intelligence). Also, it was hard to tell what sort of movie James Cameron was aiming for. The aliens aren't scary and creepy enough for a horror/thriller type sci-fi, and the explosions and violence aren't satisfying enough for a good action/adventure sci-fi flick. All that aside, it is a fun and enjoyable sequel; but in my mind, in falls into the pit where most sequels fall: good, but awkwardly worse than the original. Tunes: "Closing Time", Semisonic; "In The End", Linkin Park; "Tiny Dancer", Elton John.
posted by Josiah  # 9/22/2002 01:46:00 PM


I just got back from watching Barbershop with the usual suspects. And it was really well done. There's a great balance of one-liners and running gags, the plot and characters develop well, and you know that every time Cedric the Entertainer opens his mouth you're going to bust a gut laughing. And I had to sit and think a moment or two to come up with these cons, but... It IS relatively predictable, and some of the jokes just fall flat on their face. But definetely a $6.50 and two hours well spent. Tunes: "Barroom Heroes", Dropkick Murphys; "It's Alright", Big Head Todd and the Monsters; "Get Over It", OK Go
posted by Josiah  # 9/20/2002 10:57:00 PM


Today I was pulled in at the last minute to mind my friend Tim's house while he and his family were at a service for his recently departed grandfather, which aroused mixed feelings in me. I'm supposed to recieve people. How should I emote? Am I heavily grieving, lightly grieving, quietly sad, neutral, cheery, what? And all for a guy I haven't met and know virtually nothing about? Fortunately for me, the atmosphere was light, and the only real signs that it wasn't simply a family get-together were the muted colors and the Frank Sinatra LP playing in the background. There was much light-hearted fun and laughter. It also helped Tim and me to inspire an unrealistic idea for a reality TV show, but I'll save that for a later date. :-P Tunes: "Absolutely Fabulous", Pet Shop Boys; "Get This Party Started", Pink; "The Megaman Song", Unknown; and "Gangster Tripping", Fatboy Slim.
posted by Josiah  # 9/19/2002 10:10:00 PM


Today was a very good, very busy day. I spent the morning (or however much of it I was awake for) cleaning out my brother's room (a frightening task). The afternoon was spent at work rebuilding the Seabury site and playing several rigorous ping-pong with my boss and a mutual friend, and finishing up with a sit out on the lawn with lemon water (on my part) and gin & tonics and cigars (on theirs). And this evening I was babysitting the next door neighbors, which consists of sitting around and watching them play on their ps2. Tunes: "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous", Good Charlotte; "Mrs. Robinson", Paul Simon; and "H-A-T-R-E-D", Tonio K.
posted by Josiah  # 9/18/2002 09:40:00 PM


Well, the school year has started for me, making my schedule more of a burden than it's been for several months. I have a report on early American history due Wednesday, I'm reading The Art of War, and I don't know how I'm going to balance work work and goofing off with my friends. I spent the late afternoon down at church, hanging out with my choirgirl friends, which is so refreshing. I get to lose sight of the scary big picture and have simple, pure, hilarity. On a different note, SOMEone promised she'd put me back on her blogroll if I started up again... (coughHalleycough) Tunes: "One Song Glory", "Light My Candle", RENT soundtrack
posted by Josiah  # 9/16/2002 09:54:00 PM


Today was very very long. I woke up before 7 (WAY early for me), and promptly spent 6 hours at church. I arrived an hour early for the first service, waited through the first service, started choir practice, sang the second service, following which was a brunch during which my mother was to outline plans for the upcoming England choir tour. While the food was good, most of the conversation was either stuff I already knew or stuff that didn't pertain to me. S by the time we piled the four or five trays of Mom's food into the car and get home, it was already around 2:00. and to be quite honest, I don't remember too much of what happened after that. It's a sort of blur that runs from the tme I got home to now. Must've been something in those Krispy Kremes... I'm going to start doing what Dad's doing and start listing the songs that I listen to while I'm blogging. Just remember, imitation is one of the sincerest forms of flattery. Si's Tunes: "Someday We'll Know", New Radicals; "What Do You Want From Life?", TheTubes; and "Just Like a Pill", by Pink.
posted by Josiah  # 9/15/2002 10:48:00 PM


I'm having a minor case of writer's block, so I'm going to post an excerpt from the screenplay I've been writing with my friend Tim. Tires screech. Cut to a peaceful street. A couple of cars drive along slowly. suddenly, Arsenal’s Caddilac convertible roars by, swerving neatly to avoid the traffic. Start playing “78 rpm” by the Stiff Little Fingers in the background. The other cars pull over on to the sidewalk, braking hard. Twitch Yeah, Weej is taking us there now... Weej Left at the next light. Arsenal Got it. cut to: the car, looking from the hood. Arsenal is driving. Next to her is Weej, and then Tiffany. Rat, Zero, and Twitch are jammed in the back seat. Twitch is talking on a cell phone. Twitch ...Not even three yet, so we should have a little time. Uh-huh. OK. I’ll let her know. Thanks, Sin. Weej Don;t worry kids. Your mother is a tough la- Zero Don’t talk about my mum, you... you treacherous GRIT! She- Twitch Zero! Listen up. Message for you. Emma, from your band? Arsenal pulls the car into a sharp left turn through a red light. The tires screech and a cacophony of horns complain but she pulls through without hitting anyone. Arsenal Hold tight, everyone. It’ll be getting a little thrilling in a mo’! Close up on Arsenal’s foot. it slams the gas pedal to the floor. cut to: a straightaway. loose newspapers litter the road. they zoom by at full speed. Zero and Rat whoop and Tiffany screams lightly. Twitch You missed practice-- Bloody hell, Arsenal! You drive like Da! cut to: back street. orange cones mark off one lane where a large truck is backing up, being guided by a guy in a hardhat waving. Twitch (V.O.) Gig tonight at nine? cut back to the car. Tiffany is panicking and trying to claw her way across Weej, who is somewhat stunned. Arsenal is concentrating on the road, but obviously pissed off. Tiffany You crazy bitch! You’re going to get us all killed! Arsenal (tightly) Get ‘er off me, Weej. Now. close up on the steering wheel. Tiffany’s arm shoots across and slams the wheel hard left. cut to: the truck on the back street. the guy in the hardhat dives for safety. cut to: hood. Arsenal nails a well-place punch to Tiffany’s jaw while trying to regain control of the car. Orange cones fly.
posted by Josiah  # 9/14/2002 10:38:00 PM


Today was a really really good day. I woke up at a reasonable hour, worked the morning away, goofed off for the afternoon, and had my first choir practice of the year, and we didn't sound too bad. Practice was followed by a party at our organist/choirmaster Mr. Webster's house, where the coke flowed like water and the pizza passed around like... something else, I dunno how to fill that one. The only slight offset was that I rode to and from the party with my fellow choristers. They're great guys and really fun to hang out with, but behind the wheel they're like extras from The Fast and the Furious. That, and whenever I'm going fast in a car in an urban area I get hysterical for some wierd reason. So I ride shotgun in an urban rollercoaster, giggling madly while simultaneously feeling terrified and exhilirated. Now I'm too wired to slep, thanks to caffiene, pizza, and adrenaline, so it's back to the arcade game emulators for me!
posted by Josiah  # 9/12/2002 11:00:00 PM


I feel so much better after a good night's sleep. I heard the occasional memorial service on the radio today, which brought out the thoughts I typically get when I hear more 9/11 melodrama. They run something like: Yes, it's sad. But while I appreciate memorial services and such, I also feel compelled to point out that it's not an excuse to bomb the crap out of the neighbors of various terrorists, and that perpetually licking wounds only builds up more anger and resentment at a vague and indistinct group of "evil" peple who are only doing what they feel pride- and honor-bound to do. Fury and resentment are prime reasons that the U.S. has used for various other acts of violence such as Vietnam, and the firebombing of Dresden. Now I'm not trying to justify Al' Qaida or any other terrorist group or any government for that matter, but to point out that there are better ways to get your point across in the first place, no matter which position you're at. Now, I'd like to apologize to those who may have taken offense at this post; I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. I just wanted to put my two cents in, and so, having done that, I'm going to go stay up late playing video games.
posted by Josiah  # 9/11/2002 08:17:00 PM


I have loads of excuses for not blogging for a months, but they all sound lame and crappy so I'll spare you. So... Last month I had choir camp up in Wisconsin, which was really awesome. Singing evey day, and being around some really close friends out in the middle of nowhere... So that lasted a week, after which I quickly resumed my normal routine of goofing off and working, in alternating swings. That's when I packed back up and headed out east with three objectives: 1)relax on a Nantucket beach, 2) drop off my brother at college, and 3) rendezvouz with fellow bloggers Halley and Steve Himmer. We (The aforementioned, plus the rest of my family) met in the Boston Common, and had a nice long conversation (during which Halley threatened my life if I didnt whip myself into shape and start blogging again). All objectves were secured and I have since returned home, as of 5:20 CDT. There is an extremely condensed story of Si's August/early September. I'm sorry it's not more edifying, but I spent 12 hours in the car today and I'm not at my brightest. And I will try and keep up regular posts from now on. If not, Halley will be on the next flight to Chicago with an axe.
posted by Josiah  # 9/10/2002 09:01:00 PM


As I was going about numerous monotonous tasks at work today, the though occured to me that while tech problems are fairly routine at Seabury, my other place of work (U Blog) has a faculty that is least likely to need any outside tech help whatsoever. Think about it. And we don't need any security perssonnel either! While quite a few of us are wusses, between Halley and Rageboy alone, you've got enough brawn to intimidate and malefactors. And that's not to mention Eric Norlin, who used to be in the CIA. Of course, we don't have a physical campus (that I know of) in the first place, or anything really worth stealing for that matter, but that's beside the point. Is there a point? No, I guess not. Oh well, babbling is fun too.
posted by Josiah  # 7/31/2002 05:33:00 PM


As I was saying before, something always feels kind of off when I'm away from home. I really am a creature of habit. When I wake up, I go to the basement and check my mail and comics. I make sure to spend at least a couple hours on the phone with Tim each week, and a few more taking with more friends online. Even work, boring as it gets sometimes, fits comfortably into the jigsaw puzzle of my life.
posted by Josiah  # 7/27/2002 07:00:00 PM


I got home from vacation yesterday evening and I've already spent seven and a half hours out with my friends. Not bad, huh? And when I'm not out and about I have the ethernet cord sticking out of my arm like an IV. There's so many things here that I just take for granted. Kinda sad, really. But I guess it's part of who I am. vacations are fun for me, but I always feel so transplanted, because I'm not fulfilling my normal routine. I really am a homebody. And it always seems that I write these at night, which gives me a very good excuse for continuing this train of thought later. Night night.
posted by Josiah  # 7/24/2002 11:21:00 PM


I've been on vacation for the last week or so, visiting friends in Princeton, NJ with little to no internet access. So I snuck into the computer lab in the seminary here where Dad used to teach. It's always fun to come back hre and hang with old buddies, but today I just walked around my usual haunts on my own, reminiscing all the while. It felt wonderful. Just being there renewed old feelings as the memories surfaced. It felt peaceful, replaying scenes that aroused such pure joy and happiness.
posted by Josiah  # 7/16/2002 12:19:00 PM


OK, I know Mom told me not to apologize on my blog, but this is a special occasion. I am sorry that i stopped blogging for two weeks leaving you with a post about how crappy my love life is. I'll try not to let it happen again. Now, back to business. Last night some of my friends and I went down to my friend Grace's house to watch the remake of Psycho. First off, they got the wrong one (the original, which I am assured is actually the better version) and second, the girls outnumbered us two to one, so every time a knife showed or the music went Vweep! Vweep! Vweep! they would scream en masse and cling top everybody else. Not that I'm complaining, but that didn't really help to abet my own fear. All in all tho, it was a good movie and we all had fun, even one of my friends, who will remain nameless, who ate an entire bag of cheese puffs on his own. But he survived, so all's well that ends well. To close randomly, I'd like to quote my friend here explaining why he never worries. "Everything's all right unless someone dies. And sometimes even then."
posted by Josiah  # 7/07/2002 10:33:00 PM


Quite a lot has happened today. There was an art fair downtown, which displayed some extremely fine paintings, sculptures, and more (and provided free soda), managed to work some, and watched Shakespeare In Love, a movie that I adore. However, I think the most important happening today was the distress call of a friend badly in need of romantic advice. I would like to state at the outset that I am usually called upon as a confidante and therapist for many of my friends, so this is not totally unexpected nor surprising. It took over half an hour to set things straight (or at least on a steadier course), and gave me time to consider my own love life. Or rather, lack thereof. I often counsel my close friends in these matters, and yet I seem not to able to maintain (or start, for that matter) a relationship of my own. I cry during movies, I'm a hopeless romantic, and yet just can't tell myself were to begin.It's not that I have a problem talking to girls; on the contrary, the vast majority of my friends are girls. (I would like to mention here a: my extreme objection to the terms "weaker" and "gentler" when referring to the female gender. In my experience, they tend to be anything but weak and much less gentle than my male cohorts and I. And b: I in no way mean to exclude male prospects, but none have been revealed to me as of yet.) I just seem to make friends, and I get too scared to risk that prior relationship in taking the next step. Of course, rationally thinking, I am only 15, and I'm not working against a deadline or something. All the same, that doesn't stop me from wishing life were more like a John Hughes movie. Thank you for bearing with me through this post. I realize this won't mean squat to most of y'all reading this, but gosh darn it, it's my blog and I can fill it with all the messed-up teenage emotions I want.
posted by Josiah  # 6/22/2002 09:42:00 PM


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