SiBlog

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6/07/2003

Late night, long day. Pent-up emotion and frustration. Want to cry but nothing comes. Sitting, playing cribbage and listening to slow romance songs. Only inflames the hurt. Hear David Gahan longing for love. Still not enough. Hear Roger and Mark argue, hear Mimi's husky voice call after Roger's departing back. There. Let the tears flow. Exquisite beautiful pain as the tears sting, creating salty rivers. Release. Curl up in a fetal position and let it all drift away. Tunes: "Somebody", Depeche Mode; "Goodbye Love", RENT.
posted by Josiah  # 6/07/2003 11:38:00 PM

6/03/2003

I'm feeling pretty darn good right now. So good, it's defeating itself and making me worry about the pitfall around the next corner that will bring me down. It's like John D MacDonald writes: Cold beer, good music, and a place to go. Thats how They get you. That's the way They set you up for it. There ought to be a warning bell on the happymeter, so that every time it creeps high enough, you get that dang-dang alert. Duck, boy. That glow makes you too visible. One of Them is out there in the boonies, adjusting the windage, getting you lined up in the cross hairs of the scope. When it happens so often, don't you think I'd be more ready for it? John D Macdonald, "Pale Gray for Guilt" But what do you do when the alarm DOES go off? If you brood about it, you lose the happiness that got you there in the first place. There's no point in worrying about the day that's gonna rain if in doing so you don't get to enjoy the sunny days you're in. So as I stand on the edge of the cliff that is my future, I turn off my alarm, embrace my euphoria, unfasten my bungie cord of worry, and jump. Tunes: "Praise You", Fatboy Slim; "Drive", The Cars. "The Innocent", Goldfinger/Good Charlotte/Mest.
posted by Josiah  # 6/03/2003 01:38:00 AM

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