Teenager with a Blog. Beware.

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He wanders through the crowded suburban streets, shoulders hunched and head bowed. He doesn't know where he's going, or why, all that's left are vague and hazy thoughts and images to remind him. There was a person, cant make out the name or face or even gender, only an accompanying feeling of disgust and nausea deep inside. He fights through the waves of queasiness to try and focus, and the image wavers a little, and-- *thwack* His shoulder is jolted as he walks into a large man with a thick neck and thicker forearms. "Hey! what's your problem, man?" He looks the hulk up and down, waves a shaky hand in apology and starts to walk off, before noticing that his antagonist is standing still, staring at his upraised hand. People walking by were starting to stare, too. He glances at it, and is mildly surprised to see that it's dripping with streaks of blood. Looking closer, there aren't any open wounds. Curiously, he lifts his hand to his mouth and tastes it. Crystal clear pictures start shooting through his head: a boiler room, sparse and empty; a clump of brown hair held in his hand; a jagged-edged knife; and the person, gradually swimming into focus. It's a man, probably in his early twenties, with an unkempt mop of brown hair and a large gaping wound across his abdomen. Shaking his head in an attempt to connect back with reality, he falls to his knees. Something bulges in his pocket. Shaking, he reaches in and pulls out the knife, dyed a deep red. His eyes roll back into his head, and he collapses onto the cold sidewalk, the bloodstained knife clattering beside him. Tunes: "Find The River", R.E.M.; "Magic Carpet Ride", Steppenwolf; "Kind And Generous", Natalie Merchant.
posted by Josiah  # 6/21/2003 12:53:00 PM


Yesterday over dinner, Dad pointed out how my posts tend to bounce somewhat regularly between two extremes: the "Life is wonderful, I've got great friends, saw a really good movie the other night" posts, and the "Life is so messed up, what's it all about, I feel so down" posts. I remembered that this morning as I did my morning blog check, and decided that this would be a "happy" day. I then promptly went to my annual physical, where I checked out fine, except that I was handed two sheets of paper and told to go across the street to the main hospital facility for a blood test. For those of you who may not know me as well, this was a very big problem. I really don't like needles. I would gladly gnaw a wound into my arm and squeeze out however much blood they need, or bang my nose until it oozes enough to fill their little vial, but get near me with a puncturing instrument (say, a knife or a NEEDLE) and I will shy away in terror. My decision to have a happy day seemed not to matter to the course of my life at all. Dad, who shares my attitude in these situations, wisely decided to get it over with as soon as possible. I was escorted to a chair that looked like it was built as a prop for Con Air, sat down, and as I tried to explain why I was starting to tremble, my quavering interjections were immediately brushed aside as my arm was rubbed down with alcohol. In a last-ditch attempt to black out any knowlegde of the inevitable, I slipped on my headphones, turned up the volume, and locked my eyes shut tight. I DID manage to walk home without fainting, although my hand twitched for several blocks. And as bizarre as the concept was, after some food and venting my tale of horror to some close friends, I realized that I wasn't feeling so bad. and by now, as I'm writing this, I'm feeling downright good (although driving and watching the Simpsons all afternoon probably had a deciding hand in that). So today is a "happy" posting day. We'll just take tomorrow as it comes. Tunes: "Zephyr Song", Red Hot Chili Peppers; "Doors Of Your Heart", The English Beat; "Tempted", Squeeze.
posted by Josiah  # 6/19/2003 05:15:00 PM


Can you hear the melody? It soars and dips, cascading across the air and through your head. Can you hear the harmony? Its quiet dissonance filling the void around you, the bittersweet chords building on each other and completing the sound. Can you hear the music? It surrounds you, instills you with its message of beauty and pain, washing over and through you. Can you hear it? Anyway, back in the real world, things have been pretty slow. Mark came over Friday night, and I got to liven up his social life a little. Saturday night I spent at Tim's house, watching disturbing movies (The Cell and American Psycho) and talking on the phone with Leah and Gabi. And yesterday and today have been pretty uneventful, apart from completing my final Driver's Ed run with the school. Oh, and I got tickets to go see Heather in MI next month, which will be quite fun. Tunes: "Scotty's Lament", The Connells; "What's The Dillio?", Mest; "Hymn", Moby.
posted by Josiah  # 6/16/2003 03:23:00 PM


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